pearls of wisdom: how to be sexy

I talk about sexy a lot. I overuse it. Sexy this, sexy that. Truth is, I like sexy, and I’m never ashamed (or ever embarrassed) to express it through dress (appropriately, but of course). But what is sexy?

Sexy could be a plunging neckline, a body-conscious LBD, a glossy lip paired with nude stilettos. It could be. It’s definitively sex – without a doubt – and if you feel empowered by those things, so be it. I do. It’s the 21st century; here’s to female sexuality and liberation. At last!

BUT (before my mother and father have heart attacks reading the title of this post) think about this: a red dress may be femme fatale in every which way posible. Put it on the right girl and she’ll turn heads, yet when worn (do note the diction, here) on the girl who lacks confidence? She’s but another girl in the crowd, vying for attention.

Don’t let the media fool you into believing the “right” lipstick or “right” hair is what makes you sexy. These things are meant to enhance what its already there. And unless you truly believe in yourself, it’s just another layer, another mask, another victim fallen to cleverly constructed advertising. Sexiness comes from within: it is innate (much like personal style), and is exuded only through the way in which you carry yourself. Sexiness is not defined by how you can alter your appearance; it is how you express yourself. It is a part of who you are.

Sexiness is as viable in a pair of yoga pants as it is in an Hervé Léger (or an approximation by Express, but we live for the aspirational!). Cliché, yes, but true.

The one and only Brigitte Bardot.

Never belittle yourself. Modesty and constant self-deprecation are two different things. Embrace your intelligence, your wit. Don’t underestimate yourself or your potential. What you can offer to the table, to conversation. It’s no longer the forties or fifties where etiquette handbooks advise women to be seen and not heard. As the woman’s woman puts it:

“A real feminist doesn’t apologize for her beauty. You can be a sexy, beautiful woman and be the smartest person in the room.”

– Olivia Wilde, to Marie Claire

Perhaps it makes you intimidating. Perhaps. But you cannot argue against it’s utter empowerment. If a man (or woman) is put off by it, he isn’t even worth it. It’s that simple. A beautiful but vapid face lasts just as long as a lit candle; one with wit and joie de vivre is interesting. Rare. One of a kind. Intelligence, opinion and philosophy is sexy. You have a head on your shoulders: chin up, mes chéries. It’s there for a reason.

Smile, and laugh. Genuinely. Be lighthearted, throw your head back, stop thinking and just laugh. For centuries classical art has portrayed women as the surveyed and the surveyor (John Berger, Ways of Seeing): for too long we’ve been reduced to an object of visual pleasure, where were also too aware of how we look and how we appear to others. Stop thinking, and just do. Squinty eyes? Laugh lines? A wide mouth? Who’s looking? Throw away self-consciousness. Laugh, be you.

Which goes hand in hand with this idea of imitating what is perceived as sexy. Hands on hips, arched back, pouty lips. Retaking photographs until you find one fit for you default for whatever social media profile out thtere. I’ll say it one last time: STOP. Don’t overthink it! you’re taking pictures to capture the memory of that amazing night out with your girlfriends. Smile genuinely, be carefree. It’s that attitude which emanates. At your most vulnerable, natural state, you are at your most beautiful and confident. And thus, at your sexiest. I have and will always continue to maintain that the uncontrived will always be far more attractive than a modeled pose. Trust.

Less is more. Remember: clothes are meant to enhance, not to mask whatever you deem an “imperfection,” nor detract from you. True art in dressing well is leaving more to the imagination (which is, coincidentally, the credo of any coquette). Attention is lovely, but there are different kinds. How you portray and represent yourself is evident in how you dress. Do you value your importance and self-worth? Then put away the cleavage; don’t manipulate your own body and utilize it as a tool. Your body is a temple it. Worship it. Respect it, and you will only gain respect in return.

.   .   .

x

{image via}

how to be (a bit) coquettish

What is a coquette people ask? Sometimes people mistaken it for coke-head (say it quickly, the pronunciation is kind of discernible…). Of which I’m not, I assure you. Co · quette [koh-ket]. Noun.

“A woman who flirts lightheartedly with men to win their admiration and affection. Flirt. Tease.”

Indigenous to Paris, no less. I like Dictionary.com‘s definition; it’s fairly accurate. But what it fails to note is that flirtation isn’t limited to the opposite sex – or even just sex at all. Flirt with men. Women. Life. All should be the target of your coyish smiles and flirtation – you make a person feel wanted and in turn, you are desired. It’s the law of attraction, energy, matter: you give and you take. Do unto others as you would have then do unto you. Et cetera. In layman’s terms: you’ll naturally feel good when you see you’ve made someone else feel good about themselves. That, mes chéries, is the true essence and beauty of flirtation.

.   .   .

bises! x

EDIT: the image of listed things to do is by me! please do credit accordingly, thank you :-*

defining style, part iii: tips & tricks on how to define your style (& curb those impulse buys!)

{+} Refine & think minimalist. If you could only pick 10 things from your closet to wear for the rest of your life (disregarding aging/weight loss or gain, we’re being hypothetical here), what would they be? Now, narrow it down to five things. What are those? (If you can’t narrow it down, think: what are the 10 pieces you wear the most?)

These then become your wardrobe staples – stick to this foundation and donate whatever else you don’t wear as often (or no longer fit). And the five articles of clothing you picked of the ten? Buy multiples or variations of each, for these are the pieces you know you will always love, gravitate towards, and undoubtedly re-wear. It’s easy to see how materialistic and excessive we girls are – we have that closet full of clothes, yet still manage to have “nothing to wear.” I’m thoroughly convinced it’s an American phenomenon. Think minimalist. European. French, more specifically. You would think that with Carine Roitfeld’s previous position as Editor-in-Chief of Paris Vogue, she’d have a closet bursting at its hinges. But it’s quite the contrary:

{+} Invest in classics. Now reference the list of basics the professionals say you should own (e.g.: Nina Garcia’s The Little Black Book of Style and The One Hundred, the latter which is beyond excessive – 100 is much to many for any wardrobe, in my opinion). Note what you don’t have, and invest in the key items. Classics are timeless, so spending more for the best quality is entirely worth it. Quantity over quality, ladies!

I’m not, however, telling you to invest in every one of those must-haves, however must-have they are. Take the black cigarette pant or trench coat. They’re undoubtedly classic, but may not necessarily fit your aesthetic. The slim pant is chic, but if you’re pear-shaped, skip it and opt for a flared trouser – it’s far more flattering. Trenches are also amongst the ultimate “One Hundred,” but I’d never wear one: it’s either a leather jacket or a structured winter jacket for me.

{+} Keep an inspiration journal. Keep a folder, binder, or notebook of things you like. Need. Whatever inspires you. Tear out clippings from magazines and catalogues, organizing it as such. When you’re in a bit of a style rut, flip through and feel re-sinpired. It’s the perfect way to hone in on your style and aesthetic.

{+} Make a checklist. Keep a running list of things you need to complete your wardrobe, and be as specific as possible. You want an almond-toe, black leather pump with a ½” platform and 4-inch heel. Put it in a pocket-sized journal and throw it in your handbag. Do sketch specific pieces, too – you’ll better remember what it was exactly you were on a mission for and prevent you from straying from that direction (all the while improving artistic skills, of course). Checklists will, again, help you focus on and develop your style and curb impulse buys.

| On my list: silver + rose gold David Smallcombe bangles; black leather ballerinas; the aforementioned heel; black srappy platform heels which I can dance in (!); great black everyday bag in leather.

See? I don’t need much. You don’t need much.

. . .

bises! x

P.S.: Parts I & II, for your perusal.

how to be a little french sexpot like mademoiselle roitfeld

I know there are two Roitfelds in the photograph. Two, fabulous, black-wearing, French je ne sais quoi possessing Roitfelds. But let’s forget the Carine, if possible, and her au revoir to her decade-long stint as editor at French Vogue. Just for a second – I promise you.

Look at Julia, s‘il vous plaît. Doesn’t she look like quite the French sexpot? In a candid shot?! I hardly look anything close to decent in those dreaded pap shots, nonetheless resemble a brunette resurrection of Brigitte Bardot. Le sigh. If only.

We’ll analyze this shot carefully. Moleskines and Filofaxes out, mes chéries.

{+} Julia wears black. She is not wearing pink, or orange, or chartreuse. She is wearing black. It is the basic of any and all wardrobes, symbolizing the classic, the sophisticated, the mysterious, the seductive. Qualities possessed by every woman, however unbeknownst to her. I’ve read numerous articles citing that black and red are what attract the male species like bees to honey. One of which was from Cosmopolitan. And if you don’t believe the female’s Bible of all things sex-related, let me tell you from personal experience. Those. Colors. Do. Work.

{+} Note the length of her top. Three-quarter length sleeves. In my opinion, the chicest and most sophisticated of cuts a shirt can come in, and since Mademoiselle Roitfeld looks good wearing it, my theory has been validated. There’s something demure about the length; it’s modest, yet reveals just enough of the forearm for a hint of skin, and nothing too much.

{+} Side bangs of which to peek seductively through. A fringe not only adds style to your hair without having to much, but it also hides a larger forehead quite well (another reason why I’ve been loyal to this style for years!). Ooh, the mystery of the one-eyed gaze.

{+} Brigitte Bardot hair. The half-up half-down hair you wore as a little girl will do wonders for you as a woman! I’ve read (oui, I’m citing Cosmopolitan – again) that men like this style best. Mid-length to long, luscious locks are key; pulling a few pieces back emphasizes the angles of your jaw and cheekbones. But the key too looking less grade school and more Bardot, however, is…

{+} Perfectly imperfect hair. I despise perfectly done hair. Sure, Olivia Palermo looks lovely, but it’s not to my taste. We want je ne sais quoi. Effortless. Not prim and prissy and perfect. The secret? Tease the crown and sides of your hair, and comb through once to smooth it out (Amy Winehouse’s beehive is not the look, here). Spritz with hairspray. Pull 1 – 2 inch pieces from both sides of your face, poof it a bit, and bobby pin those babies down. Pull a few pieces out to frame your face, muss it up a bit. Et voilà! Brigitte Bardot you are.

{+} Smoldering eyes and natural lips. We want enough to bring out your features without being overwhelming. Or a cake face. Use a mineral foundation for that au naturel, dewy skin. Bronzer in the cheekbones and the tiniest bit of NARS Madly blusher on the cheeks – not the apples, but sweeping upwards! Black liner, smudged nonchalantly, and winged like Angelina Jolie’s for evenings out. Lip balm for everyday, and a mauve-nude lipstick for special occasions.

{+} Coco Chanel had once said, “A woman who doesn’t wear perfume has no future.” It’s completely and total nonsense if you ask me, but alas, Chanel said it so it is God. Perfume helps though, I suppose, so she’s not entirely frivolity and tweed. Julia’s most likely wearing Tom Ford’s Black Orchid (as she’s the face of the perfume adverts) – the sexiest of sexy fragrances. (After all, anything Tom Ford is synonymous to sex.) But another fantastic fragrance is Versace’s Bright Crystal. I used to think I was a vanilla/musk/amber type, but somehow I can’t get enough of this feminine, floral scent. And neither can the boys, let me tell yah.

{+} Simplicity is key, mademoiselles! We want minimalist, sophisticated. Edgy for a touch of modernity and youth.

{+} Balance with modesty. The true coquette understands that the key to being a little sexpot is leaving more to imagination. There’s no fun in revealing everything at once. Secrecy is what makes it mysterious, and thus, more fun. Case in point: Julia’s showing quite a bit of leg with a mini-something of sorts. To balance it, she pairs it with a much more modest top.

{+} It also helps if Carine Roitfeld is your mother.

{+} It also helps if you are of French blood.

{+} And if the aforementioned are of little to no use to you, well, practice your very best pose should a photographer come your way. Think Parisian sex kitten! Arch your back. Smoldering eyes, pout-y lips.

« If you’re going to be sexy in a photo, you’d better be thinking about sex rather than about being sexy. »

- Carine Roitfeld

Take it from the woman who was once Tom Ford’s muse.

. . .

bises! x

{image via}